Seize the Day....

Ever had that feeling? When you're heart tells you great things, yet your mind pessimistically gives you harsh images of the reality and makes you think deeper, only to leave u dissapointed with what you have at the end of the day? Well, It's a bitch, and I feel so confused right now.

The friggin' O levels results came out today. It was the beginning of the end for all of us. Did we had any last minute worries or an extra boost of confidence? Perhaps, but no one said a word. Not on the way to school, not when the Principal went up stage to announce the results ... not a word.

I could see how the Secondary 4s joyfully celebrated their exuberant victory over the mere examinations, but when I looked back at my cohort, I could see tears and faces of discontent throughout the masses of the Secondary 5 students. Clarissa was one of the "victim", I feel so sorry for her. She seemed like the kind of girl who would be as smart as good as she looked like. Damn. Damn you Cambridge, and ur snotty like & "Ooo, I'm such a smarty pants and moar smarter you, coz I'm BRITISH" Professors! >:C

Fadhil, I am awefully sorry for him. I pity the fact that he's my closest friend and what he got was downright sad. He too seemed like the kind of guy who would be diligent enough to complete his work, but alas .... guuh.

Khai instead is a funny case. Weeks prior to the results and days before the announcement of the results day, he was frightened, terrified, petrified, mortified about what his results would be, constantly bugging me about whether he could make to Poly or not. Today, he found out he can. Haha, this further proves my theory of life that Over-confidence is a No-No - Always be frightened about the future, so when u expect the worst, nothing what you expect will happen, and instead the future will be bright. The theory's a little frayed around the edges,, but what'dya gonna do about it, huh? Lawl....

As for me..
My grades were ... fair.

Here's what I ended up with:
L1R4+CCA = 13
EL1R2B2 = 16

English - B3
Maths - B4
Sciences - B3
Combined Humanities - B3
Malay - C6
Pure Geography - B3
Food & Nutrition - D7

Not the best, to me, I feel pathetic...
Being raised in a family where high expections are a must, and the best is the only way, I find myself dissapointed with my grades. I had really expected to get an A for English, and a B3 or A2 for Maths. I studied maths end over end, night over night. And yet I got a fucking B4. GAWD DAMMIT. Pure Geography was a subject I HARDLY STUDIED AT ALL. I only read a mere of it the night before the paper. For the whole year, I didn't payed a single attention to whatever Miss Anne Lee teached in class. And yet, I got a B3 from it. Seriously, what the hell?

See, as I said. Life will never give you what you would expect from it. It'll most likely hit you in the head with an unexpected surprise that leave you numbnuts...

Well, as for JAE, I know what courses I would like to choose. I have 12 choices. Now this is where my mind starts to fill my head with images of dissapointment.

I know what courses I want. Mostly are media courses from various polys like SP and NP. But thats the thing. Media courses are notoriously known for being very competitive when it comes to admission. Though I am eligible for almost all those media courses, I am scared that they would not choose me as my grades do not seem to have that extra edge to give me a boost in said competition. I'm standing on thin ice, and I'm risking it by choosing these media courses. I am afraid that other smarter and much better people than me would opt for the same courses that I want, and because they seem much more significant than me. They'll fill the spots instead, leaving me high and dry. I've felt that bitter failure during the DPAs. I just don't want it to happen again.

Media is my only interest. I have no desire to be Scientist or Engineer. My dream and passion is to write or create any form of media to entertain and educate the masses. So if I do not get the courses that I do want, it's gonna hurt me a big time. And if I end up with a course where I have little or no interest in, I would only be going to Poly for the sake of name and to live in a breezy Poly lifestyle, but not to follow my dreams - like what everyone is supposed to do in life.

I'm just ranting here. And I know it wouldn't matter to most of other people, and I know other people have it much more harder than me. But I just needed to get it off my chest. My parents do not seem to understand my problem, though I'm not really ticked off by that. Oh wells, I'll just give a shot at the courses I had aimed for. Creative Writing for TV & New Media ... a new course, how demanding is it going to be? I'll just have to see. Will I be able to somehow stand out from the crowd and get a spot in said course? Perhaps I will, mostly probably I will not. Only time will tell.