The End... Reset

Hmmm...
So this is how beginning again feels like. I missed the feeling. Last I felt this was five years ago. My 6 month break has officially ended. It was fun while it lasted. I've done so much, yet so little. Felt so alive yet so empty. It was a break well spent, if not fully wasted. Secondary School is now but a memory. I joke about not wanting to go back all the time, and how I despise the system. But to be honest, looking back it's where all the good times happened. All the fun happened. All the stories happened. All the pain, the struggle, the fights, the insecurities, the troubles and all the bullshit that was thrown in my face happened. You know what? It made me stronger. I was never like this before. I was quiet, which I still maybe, but I'm different now. I feel better in a sense, if not perfect. Secondary school changed me alot, no small part due to my friends, whom I will miss. I will treasure the times I've had. Forgive and forget all the bullshit I've done. And Remember the mistakes I've made.

And so tomorrow begins anew. Finally, I'm in a tertiary school. I've met some cool people, and I am very much looking forward to studying and working with them. Let's go.

***

Spending 6 months at home isn't as fun as it sounds like. It's a total bore, and the way I lead my life during the months is kinda lame. So this is so far what I've done. A retrospective, if I may.

I met a special someone. I fell in love. For real. I really did. It was the epitome of my happiness. But out of it in the end, it didn't quite ended the way I had hoped it would be. The memory still burns in my mind. I broke. I felt confused. I didn't want to be sad, but didn't know how to be happy either. I kept it to myself. But I've moved on since. I don't know about her. She looks like she's having a much more splendid time with other people if not someone else. I try not to think anymore. Even if the feeling for her is still there in me, I know I can't open myself the way I did again. It won't be right. So I moved on to other things. As Alfred from "Batman Begins" puts it ... Why do we fall down? So we can learn how to pick ourselves up.

I've tried finding jobs. A failed attempted that lasted for 2 months. I had a few friends with me. We tried but failed. No one wanted to hire us. How sad. During December and January I basically spent everyday going out job hunting, but all positions were filled, since EVERYONE else had already been hired. I gave up eventually though. Jobless. When everyone else had a job and boasting just how much fun they're having. Gah!

So stuck at home with nothing to do, and an empty feeling that drives me mad and confused everyday. Hmmm....

But I did managed to entertain myself to appease the feeling and boredom. I game. I read. I played. A good thing I had Xbox Live. I entertained myself by playing everyday. Made a few good contacts with a few friends online. They're cool to play with, but I couldn't interact with them much. I read books. Lots. The Library technically became my second home. The stories I've read are still engraved deep in my head. I remember everything, it was a fun experience. I missed reading books. Story books, not textbooks. Heh.

During the whole of the break, I've have watched a total of at least 12 movies. Mostly with her. Maybe even more. I kinda lost count. I grew fond for the movies and eventually started to enjoy any form of movie, even if the story was cliched and predictable.

I wrote songs, I practiced my musicality. It's still kinda weak. I'm not a pro. I doubt I'd ever be. But I've learned a few new things, which others have probably mastered it long before me. I've wrote at least Two and Half songs. I only deem one of them good enough for showcasing. If you're counting my originals, I've at least covered more than 10 renditions of other songs. On acoustic though, 'coz I didn't actually had a band yet.

And so this is where I end. During the final days prior to the orientation, I started going out alot. Hanging out with friends and eventually went jamming again (if you haven't noticed). I spent alot of money ($350 in a week... gawwd). I went for my orientation. Met cool people. Achieved my goal to perform on stage. And now the break ends. 6 months. Gone. It just flew by. School begins tomorrow. My old lifestyle ends when I go to bed in a few hours time. It's been fun while it lasted.

I'm more than happy. Swear to god, I am.

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